American Horror Story: Roanoke – Chapter 9

Holy Jesus on a stick! First, if you’re reading my American Horror Story posts, I thank you. But I do have to say, for Christ sake watch it. Or keep reading my posts and then watch it, either way. But watch it.

We begin with 3 kids searching for the Roanoke house during the blood moon while filming their excursion. While talking about their pictures and videos going viral they see a woman stumbling around, lost and bleeding. They follow her to help her and are led to a wrecked car; it’s Diana’s car with her body in it! They call the cops and the cops don’t find a body or believe the kids, just like in Scooby Doo.

Back in grown up land fake-Shelby and real-Lee are giving Dillon the low down on the house. So Sydney paid Dillon to dress up as the pig-man to scare everyone, but fake-Shelby lets him know they’re plenty scared already because the Roanoke story is real and everyone is dead. They give him a tour of the house, particularly of all the dead bodies. Real-Shelby tells Dillon that fake-Lee is still out there so Dillon, who was in the military, heads out to go find her with fake-Shelby and real-Lee behind him. They make it to the Polk’s farm and Dillon comes up with a plan: he’s going to get the Polk’s truck while fake-Shelby and real-Lee go find fake-Lee. Real-Lee has another plan: Fake-Shelby can go rescue fake-Lee while she retrieves the tapes, to which fake-Shelby responds “OK but I’m not fucking around, if we’re in that truck and you’re not we’re leaving you.”

Ready… Break! Real-Lee heads into the barn she was held captive in while fake-Shelby heads to the barn where she was held captive at. Fake-Shelby finds fake-Lee and rescues her; as they’re headed out, in walks Ishmel (Polk son). He’s a little peeved that they killed Mama Polk and starts to go on and on about how he’s going to kill them and he’s going to kill them slowly and everyone will die and then fake-Shelby responds with a gun shot to the head! It turns out fake-Shelby isn’t so bad after all. Meanwhile real-Lee retrieves her precious confession. The truck starts and fake-Shelby and fake-Lee book it to the truck; unfortunately the last Polk boy gets to Dillon and the truck before the women do and stabs Dillon, then freaks the fuck out when he sees the ghost mob, gets in the truck and leaves. Fake-Shelby and fake-Lee manage to make it back to the house. Fake-Shelby is convinced that real-Lee is dead because, as she explains it, real-Lee would’ve never left the tapes that implicate them in the murder of the Polk family. Fake-Lee decides to watch the tape to see what’s on it and there it is, REAL-LEE’S CONFESSION! ANNDDDD, while they’re watching the tape we’re shown scenes of real-Lee crawling to get away from something. That something is the Witch, and the Witch kills a pig, feeds the heart to real-Lee and real-Lee is now evil. Meanwhile fake-Shelby and fake-Lee go into fake-Shelby’s room and start drinking and bullshitting, preparing for the final night of the blood moon.

Don’t worry, the kids’ plot line isn’t over. They’re still in the woods looking for the house, at night, under the blood moon. They see someone standing in the woods; it’s real-Lee, only not real-Lee. Todd (one of the kids) walks over to her and starts to gush like a super fan to which real-Lee (AKA new Butcher, I guess?) responds by killing him with her new butcher knife. The other 2 get out of there and find themselves at the production trailer, where they’re met by a still alive Dillon, only they’re scared and push Dillon away and lock themselves in the trailer. They’re watching the monitors and can see real, evil-Lee heading to the house so they decide to head to the house and try and save fake-Shelby and fake-Lee. I think you have an idea how this turned out.

Back in fake-Shelby’s room fake-Shelby and fake-Lee are discussing real-Lee when they hear something outside the room; they walk outside and there she is, possessed-Lee. Fake-Lee starts laying into her about how she knows she’s a murderer and she ain’t scared of her… and then possessed-Lee pushes fake-Lee from the top of the stairs and fake-Lee is impaled and eventually dies. Fake-Shelby manages to fight her off and escape. She heads to the cellar where possessed-Lee catches up with her, slashes her and then kicks her into the cellar and shuts the door.

The remaining 2 kids have made it to the house and are hiding in the bushes watching the Butcher disembowel Dillon. They turn to run but possessed-Lee is right behind them and captures them. They get to die the grossest death. Yea, worse than Dillon. They both get impaled on a piece of wood from their backside, are stood up and burned alive.

It’s the next day and the cops finally arrive only to find corpses all over the place. They find real-Lee, still alive and done being possessed, and she freaks out when she sees them. They help her to the cop car, sit her down, and from a distance the cellar door is seen opening. The cops run over to the cellar and fake-Shelby has survived; she crawls out and one of the cops grab her and they start walking to the cop car. Real-Lee is happy to see her but fake-Shelby knows what’s up. She yells at real-Lee calling her a murderer, grabs the cops gun, aims it at real-Lee and…… THE COPS SHOOT FAKE-SHELBY! The final line being “the suspect is down.”

So it appears as though I misjudged real-Lee, turns out she’s a real mother fucker. How big of a mother fucker? We’ll find out next week on the season finale. I’m trying not to get my hopes up because the last episode is usually the one where I get tricked and I whine about it until the next season.

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