American Horror Story: Roanoke – Chapter 7

I’m going to take you back, back to when worlds collide and fake-Matt and real-Matt get into a fight. Sydney is watching the madness go down from the production trailer when the new assistant, Alyssa, walks in with dinner. While Sydney is eating he misses something on the screen, but the cameraman sees it: Rory being murdered by the nurses. Suddenly they hear a scream. Sydney walks outside to investigate and in his final act of asshole he calls the cameraman outside and has him get Alyssa, whose throat has been slashed and is dying, on camera. Sydney gets his, though, because Agnes pops out from the bushes and stabs him in the stomach and then kills the cameraman. She’s completely lost it and thinks she’s the Butcher.

Meanwhile, fake-Shelby is looking for Rory. Matt tries to remind her that, hello he’s dead, but nobody believes him and they all start searching for Rory. Fake-Matt finds real blood but fake-Shelby is still in denial about him being dead, instead believing that he left her because he couldn’t handle their age gap.

Back to Agnes who has completely lost her mind and is talking into the dead cameraman’s camera. She switches between realizing what she’s done and speaking gibberish in her Butcher voice. She’s finally silenced by the flame on her torch going out and the sound of chanting; when she re-ignites it she’s surrounded by those hanging stick things and she freaks out.

Back in the house fake-Matt is hitting on real-Shelby and real-Matt walks in on it. He tells fake-Matt he can have her and walks off diva style. Fake-Matt heads into the confessional and tells America what his agenda is: He’s there to make TV great again by being the bad guy, ruining his cast-mates lives and helping the show get good ratings. He’s OK with this because he thinks it’ll lead to more lead roles and, as he puts it, “what’s more important than screen time?”

While fake-Matt is busy bragging about being a super dick, real-Shelby is up in her room crying. She pauses for a moment when she sees a camera (dead cameraman’s camera) and while scoping it out crazy Agnes pops out from the bathroom and attacks her. She slashes real-Shelby’s shoulder and just when she’s about to finish the job fake-Matt tackles Agnes and manages to knock her out. He helps real-Shelby but when he looks back Agnes is gone. Fake-Shelby helps bandage up real-Shelby and then real-Matt joins in the fun. Real-Lee is trying to get help but all the phone lines have been cut and nobody knows Sydney and everyone is dead so they can’t figure out why nobody has sent help. Real- and fake-Lee decide to go get help and there’s no need to worry because real-Lee has a real gun to protect herself. I like real-Lee. Fake-Shelby joins them and they all take the secret tunnel to get out. Halfway through they see something and real-Lee thinks it’s Edward and he can probably help them; whatever it is does not seem like it’s willing to help because it screams at them, real-Lee shoots it and then they run. They manage to make it out of the tunnel and begin looking for the production trailer. They eventually find it as well as the bodies of Sydney, Alyssa the new assistant and the cameraman. Fake-Shelby starts freaking out and then has the best line: “I’m not American, I’m not used to all this carnage.” Touche. Suddenly crazy Agnes charges at them but real-Lee does not fuck around and shoots her. They start to head back to the house when they see villagers approaching and run for it. Real-Shelby decides to leave a video message for Rory just in case but it isn’t necessary, she can just tell him herself because after a few drops of blood fall on her face she looks up and dead-Rory is strung up in the trees. Fake-Shelby starts with the tears again but they don’t have time for that because someone or a bunch of someone’s are coming for them. They run, hide, and get caught, like all horror stories. Meanwhile Agnes is back in her lair removing the bullet and she’s probably the real Butcher because she doesn’t die.

Real-Matt and real-Shelby are asleep when something wakes him up and in a trance-like state he heads to the basement; fake-Matt sees him and follows him. Turns out real-Matt was summoned by the Witch and when fake-Matt sees what they’re up to he heads upstairs, wakes up real-Shelby and takes her down to the basement so she can see them as well. She finds them having sex, grabs a crowbar and knocks the Witch (who is 150 times more grotesque than in the reenactment, like most reality shows) off of him and then tries to get real-Matt to leave with her, to which he replies: “she’s the reason I came back here, I’m in love with her.” You don’t say that to a woman holding a crowbar, which real-Shelby proves by bashing real-Matt’s head in! She killed him!! And fake-Matt just stands there until he’s fully dead!! You know what, if the Witch was as powerful as claimed in the show why didn’t she just kill real-Shelby and fake-Matt and keep real-Matt? Probably because it’s not as crazy as REAL-SHELBY KILLING REAL-MATT!

So the Lee’s and fake-Shelby have been captured by the Polk family; fake-Lee and fake-Shelby are in one room, real-Lee is in another. Let’s start with real-Lee: they cut her pant leg and then start to cut pieces of her leg for consumption. Those pieces are then fed to fake-Lee and fake-Shelby.

Meanwhile real-Shelby is in shock and is now starting to realize what she’s done and needs fake-Matt’s help. But that fake-Matt, let me tell you, he’s one real son of a bitch; he tells Shelby she needs to turn herself in and that he tried to stop her but couldn’t. So yea, he’s really gunning for his own spin-off. Fake-Matt and his fake compassion are interrupted when he hears something outside; he looks out the window and it’s crazy Agnes. Agnes goes off on a tangent about God knows what because I can’t understand her and then the real-villagers join her. She thinks they’re all in cahoots when who makes their debut? The real-Butcher, who’s about 95 times more terrifying looking than Agnes was when she played the Butcher. So Agnes thinks they can be buds because that’s her idol but there can only be one Butcher and the real-Butcher slices Agnes’ head in half, and NOW she’s dead. I’ll begrudgingly admit, I’m getting more and more interested in this series as it progresses. I’m taking it as a reward for investing in the first 5 painful weeks.

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