We begin this episode with Matt’s one-man show of “I don’t remember having sex with that woman”. After an Academy Award winning performance Shelby believes him and starts to calm down. She heads to the bathroom to take a shower, opens the shower curtain and standing there, ready to attack, is the pig-man. It chases her throughout the house, Matt tackles it, then it chases both of them, and then a man comes out of nowhere and hits it with an ax. Surprise! The hero is Elias, the crazy guy from the tapes. The pig-man stands up, Elias yells croatoan and the pig-man disappears. They all settle in while Elias pours himself a tall one and begins to explain what croatoan means and who he is. So croatoan is basically a word of dark magic. Elias was the owner of the house and the only reason he never sold it was because he didn’t want anyone else to buy it and meet their demise. BUT, he couldn’t pay the taxes on it so it went into foreclosure and was eventually auctioned off. Matt thinks he’s a liar and begins to throw him out when Elias starts going through a list of things he knows about the house, the majority of which being occurrences that have happened to Matt and Shelby. To further prove he’s not insane, or trying to get the house back, he takes them down to the basement and shows them a book that serves as a log of all of the paranormal activity that’s happened in the house. Apparently this place has been making people disappear since the 1700s. A few of the stories include an Asian family, the Chen’s, who bought the house in the 70s, were haunted by pigs and the pig-man and were all eventually killed by the Butcher and her mob; the psychotic sister nurses, Bridget and Miranda, who in fact did not just up-and-disappear but were also killed by the Butcher and her posse; and then there were 3 hunters who stayed in the house and ended up blowing each others heads off.
Elias then gives them the low down on the hauntings and killings: the spirits can haunt at any time but they can only kill during the first lunar cycle in October. From the first quarter moon to the blood moon it’s 6 fun-filled days of killing. Oh, also, the first quarter moon is supposed to rise that very night so it’s time to get the hell out of there. Because Shelby is an idiot she doesn’t believe him, and even though she’s seen just about everything he’s described she thinks he just wants the house back. Matt doesn’t want to leave either but only because he doesn’t want to leave Flora. In an attempt to comfort Matt, Elias responds with “if she’s with the Butcher she’s as good as dead.” Shelby tells him Flora is actually with Priscilla, whom Elias just happens to know so he takes them to her.
They arrive at a location where all the spirits hang out and Shelby still doesn’t believe him until… huh, what’s that over there Shelby? It appears to be a circle of dead people and a not-dead Flora running around in the middle of them. Matt recognizes Priscilla as the little girl who led them to the cellar, which led them to find the Elias tapes. You can see the wheels turning in Matt’s head as he tries to piece it all together, AND THEN! There she is, the woman Matt had sex with. Matt stands there, locked in a trance while Shelby starts to chase her. And of course, she gets lost in the woods… and here come the spirits. Just as the three dead hunters start making their appearance Elias grabs Shelby and they run back to Matt who is watching Flora play with all of the spirits. Matt tries to get her but since Elias is the chosen one he stops Matt so that he (Elias) can get her. Elias calls out to Priscilla and just as he begins negotiations a horn sounds drawing everyone’s attention. And then BAM! Elias gets lit up with arrows.
So Elias is dead, Flora is still with the spirits, and all Matt and Shelby can do is run to the house where they are greeted by Cricket. His monologue goes something like this: “Are you guys done fucking around because you would’ve gotten Flora back by now if you hadn’t made me look like an asshole to the Butcher by not leaving when you said you would, jerks.” Now that it looks like things can’t get any worse, Shelby is finally ready to do whatever she needs to get Flora back, to which Cricket replies “uh yea, the Butcher isn’t interested.” Thanks to Matt and Shelby Cricket now has to figure out another way to get Flora back. He heads back into the woods and returns hours later with even more reasons why they need to get the hell out of that place. His story is as follows: while out in the woods he meets a woman, a woman he says is stronger than the Butcher. This woman is Matt’s fling and also she’s a witch. She blows some mystical powder in Cricket’s face but before she can kill him he starts telling her everything he knows about her and, in a last ditch effort to get her to spare his life, offers her the one thing she’s been wanting since the last episode: Matt. This pleases the witch so she discloses the secret past of the colony. They begin to stroll down memory lane, literally. As in he’s taken back in time and sees it all for himself.
Here’s the deal: the house and the land is the site of the lost colony of Roanoke, except they were never really lost. When the Butcher moved them they were considered lost, or nobody could find their new location, or they became invisible, I don’t know. They just weren’t lost, OK? Anyway, the land was known to them as the “horn of plenty”, a place where there was never a shortage of food, they had everything they wanted and the place was practically perfect. Kind of like heaven except not at all like heaven because in order to maintain that bliss the Butcher had to make human sacrifices to.. well, I’m not sure who but she just did. Eventually her son got tired of being evil and turned the entire colony against her. I need to wrap this up. So the Witch tells her to condemn them to the land, the Butcher kills them all and then the Witch kills the Butcher and they’re all dead and stuck there the end.
Since Cricket and the Witch are BFFs now she also showed him a spell that would put down the Butcher and her posse, which either means that the script writers got lazy or it’s a trick. Armed with a plan Cricket takes an Uber back to his hotel room but they don’t get very far because Flora runs in front of the car and Cricket gets out to chase after her. Back at the house Matt and Shelby are still waiting on Cricket who’s now been gone for several hours. They both dose off and after a few hours Matt wakes up and heads outside. He hears someone in the cellar, investigates and discovers it’s his beloved Witch. She seduces Matt and this time he’s super into it AND remembers, but right before the do it Shelby wakes up, walks outside and starts screaming for Matt because she can see the Butcher and the villagers approaching the house. Matt snaps out of it and runs to Shelby where they both see that the Butcher has Flora. Flora’s about to get whacked when Priscilla hits the Butcher and Flora escapes. Matt and Shelby take Flora inside and ask her if she’s OK, but all she can say is “the man, the man”. The man she’s referring to is Cricket, and right before their eyes the Butcher disembowels him. Once he’s dead the Butcher points at Matt and Shelby and gives them a ‘you’re next’ look. The moral of this episode is don’t help Matt and Shelby.
jennavision 